We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
