Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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