sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
