I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
