They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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