A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
