i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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