Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
