we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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