I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
