For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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