I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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