i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Enjoy the penises
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
