I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
