he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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