i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
