Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have aggressive nipples.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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