i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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