Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
