I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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