At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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