I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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