There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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