Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
