i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
