bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
