Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
