the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
