Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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