everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
