Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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