Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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