I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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