i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Send help, water and tortillas.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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