how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
