very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
