I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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