So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
