the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
