Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
