Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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