Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
