please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
sarcasm needs its own font
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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