Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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