he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
