after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
