I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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