Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
