What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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