I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
